3 years ago, i wrote of how my bestfriend was about to give birth to our godson soon.

3 years later, i am nervous and afraid to see my bestfriends in 3 days.

Never thought this day would ever come.

But precious things become all the more precious after being tested, right?

Nat said, #togetherforever

Nat is giving birth in 3 weeks' time.

The bestfriend whom i grew up side by side, is going to give birth to our godson in 3 weeks.

I should have embraced teenagehood alot more. mmm.

Change alone takes time. Revolution, takes an even longer time. 

If your heart beats strong enough for whatever it is that it is beating for, then you will be willing to work very hard this lifetime, even if realising that you may not live to see the results of your work/fight. 

;;

Does my heart beat as strongly for this as i think it does?

Then why do i feel tired? 

Did thomas edison or aung san suu kyi feel tired and considered stopping at any point? 

Or am i just being impatient? 

today, a sudden surge of nostalgia came rushing through.

Alicia Keys - No One

funny how with the growing age, wisdom, experience and knowledge, we don't seem to be worrying lesser or the magnitude of worries don't seem to be decreasing. 

its the case of: the more you know, the less you know. the more you've figured, even more left to figure. 

this new year god, what are you going to teach me? 

so, i haven't blogged in such a long while that i am abit confused around this place. 

much has happened since the last time i was here; too much. 

firstly, i kinda cannot reconcile that i am 25 already. i feel kinda like... i am still 19. although physically i feel like a 65 yr old sickly granny on most days. 16-20 were vague years that zoomed past. but i can still clearly remember significant snippets of moments and days when i was 21. and it really felt like it was just yesterday.   

i am quite sure i am going to hit 30 quicker than i imagine and still feel 19. hahaha. 

so one of the things that happened is, that Nat got married; the first amigo to get married. another milestone for us :) 

(omg blogspot has improved alot! :O)

the next thing that's happened that must never be taken for granted is, that amigos are still together and going strong :))) from my 15th birthday to my 25th birthday, the only thing that's changed is the finances involved in the bday celebration execution. The people, the love, the depth, the scale, none of that's changed. and its been... a decade :) the airport surprise i will never ever be able to forget. i didn't go away for 2 years or go to afghanistan to fight a war. I only went with natif and char on a 4 day bangkok trip. but amigos like amigos always do, welcomed me back at the airport like i was gone since we graduated from sec school. i am blessed everyday because of them <3 div="div">

another thing that took place in the recent 6 months progressively is me entering into this new, unfamiliar, unexpected and surprising fangirl mode. 

having rejected and detested the whole hallyu trend all through my teenage and early adulthood, i am the last person on the rack who'd ever become become a fangirl. much less a fangirl of a typically thought-to-be cheesy girl group: Girls' Generation. 

It'd take me a 4D3N long speech to fully explain why and how they charmed me. But to put it simply, i saw the amigos in them and that really warmed me up. The genuine love and embrace they have for each other is the display of something precious thats been kinda diluted in our very western-influenced music industry. and then if you add all their goofy and dorkiness behind the scenes onto the already very full plate; if you add their professionalism on screen that masks how originally dorky and playful they are; and then if you add the watching them overcome all the obstacles and difficulties from debut and sit at where they are today; and then if you watch how humble and genuine they still are today; and then if you watch how dependent and thankful to God they are for everything from their failures to their wins to being blessed with each other ---> it charms you like crazy. 

so...

here's summing my 2012 up:

1. I LOVE MY AMIGOS TO DEATH, literally.

2. I AM A SONE now. 

oh and, 3. i can never thank God enough for every single mentioned and unmentioned bits that happened to me throughout the year. His providence, assurance and love, is too surreal, too amazing. 

A sudden wanting to visit this long-abandoned silent friend.

Much has changed since the last time i visited. Not just circumstances and perspectives. The people around me, the people i have decided to be around, the things i have decided to stop or start doing, the habits i have finally opened my blind eyes and brains to.

if there's anything major i've learnt in these months, that's been most vivid and unforgettable, it'd be:

1. if god thinks you're ready, god thinks you're ready.
2. praying helps, even if it seems the most intangible, useless and help-less.
3. be diligent, and determined enough. stare challenges in their faces. when you stare, you begin the conquering.
4. it is important to be hardworking, even if against your will, blood type or character.
5. health is important. and i am again a tat too late in finally acknowledging something i've been needing to from much earlier on. 
6. i can balance. its a matter of choices, diligence, prayers, God, and priorities. Never made as much sense the past thousand times i've heard people advise me so until i've finally experienced so.

in the previous posts, i once mentioned that happiness is a form of courage, referring to my struggle. Great Awakening no. countless: with the change of phase, priorities, and faith, your definition of happiness can re-align; re-aligns. what you thought was happiness and will always be back then, can change. i must remember this.

Nat is getting married in 8 days' time. Surreal or surreal? Surreal.